DILF DIARIES: Oh Baby Read online

  Jack Decker had pulled the wool over the eyes of these people and had them eating out of the palm of his hand. Life came too easy to people like him, and it pissed Juliet off. Being a new dad should have changed everything, but all she saw was a playboy with a baby and a handful of built-in nannies. Well, he could play games all he wanted; she wasn’t playing back.

  When Jack tossed up a hand and waved, Jules turned up her nose and went on her date.

  The long holiday weekend rolled in, and Juliet managed to get the entire thing off — which never happened. Jules didn’t have plans, just needed a break after weeks of long hours and covering other’s shifts. She was one of the few nurses qualified to staff the ER who was unattached and without obligation to anyone or anything but herself, so she was the first person everyone came to. In all reality, they were doing her a favor by keeping her busy. It was an excuse not to date as often as Jase Detweiler would have liked, and it also meant she wasn’t sitting at home getting random drive-by door-knockings from Rosie.

  Plus, the pay was great, and it meant she had plenty of favors to call in, should she ever need one — not that she anticipated needing one, since work really was her life. Which was sad. She really did need to get out more now that she thought about it, starting with her date with…Detweiler. He knew she was off, and she was a terrible liar who didn’t have a headache or death in the family to lean on. She wasn’t getting out of it this time.

  Jules was relaxing on the back patio with a book when the sound of a very faint knocking caught her attention. She wasn’t expecting anyone, so it shouldn’t have been the front door. And if it were, she wasn’t interested in whatever sales pitch or religious pamphlet was waiting for her on the other side. And since Jules watched her drive off before heading outside, it wasn’t likely a random Rosie drop in, either. When nobody tried to break down her door or climb her fence to deliver their spiel, Jules didn’t give it another thought. Just neighborhood noise. Until she heard it again.

  An unfamiliar phone number popped up on her cell as it started to buzz. All good things usually came to end for her, so she assumed it was work needing her to come in after all.

  “Juliet Walker,” she answered.

  “I’m at your front door,” came the unfamiliar whisper of a man.

  “Excuse me?” Jules froze, recalling the conversation she had with Rosie about living alone and strange men.

  “It’s me. Jack,” he answered, still whispering

  The last time Jack was at her front door, it was in a dream about dirty, wanton sex. Just the thought of him naked, average and all, stirred that painfully familiar burning flutter. She closed her eyes and willed every last image away before walking through her house to the front door while Jack was still on the line.

  “Why are you whispering?”

  “Shhh,” Jack scolded. “Ramsey is sleeping. Please hurry. She’s going to wake up.”

  Odd. A sleeping baby was usually a good thing, and left in its crib — at home. “Is everything okay?”

  “Sort of?” he replied without confidence.

  “That’s pretty ominous.”

  “It’s what?” His whisper sounded pitchy and annoyed.

  “Never mind.”

  “Your house isn’t that big, Jules. Where are you?”

  “I could always just go back outside where I was enjoying a really good book.”

  “No!” Jack surprised himself with how loud his whisper was and quickly calmed, not wanting to stir the baby. “I’m sorry. Just hurry. I really need you.”

  Jules stopped in her tracks. The last time she heard those words, it was in that dirty dream she wasn’t interested in reliving. It was still haunting her as it were. The time before…well, Jack was a royal ass despite her kindness and generosity — apparently, she wasn’t over that.

  “Why did you stop?” he asked.

  “How did you know I stopped?” Jules looked around, searching the windows to see if he was looking in.

  “Because you’re not here yet. My arm is killing me, Jules.”

  With a subtle gasp, she asked, “Are you hurt?”

  “I’m not—”

  He didn’t even finish his sentence when worry set in. “Oh god, Ramsey?” The idea of anything happening to that sweet baby tore her heart in two.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “You don’t think so? Jack, what the hell—”

  “Shhh, not so loud.”

  “We’re still on the phone.”

  “Well, she heard you yelling through it. This kid has super human hearing or something. Open the door quietly.”

  “Okay…I’m here…and…opening my door.” Jules’ tone was somewhat patronizing, but Jack’s whining was racking her nerves.

  Standing in the middle of Juliet’s lawn was Jack, one arm extended in front of him with the baby lying face down over it. He was also awkwardly wrapped in something…the baby wrap. It was definitely the baby wrap she encouraged him to buy in lieu of a front backpack-style carrier.

  Juliet snickered at the sight of him. His shirt was covered in drool stains, maybe some spit up, and he was sweating, with a deer in headlights look, while bobbing up and down. His hair was a wreck and his clothes looked like they’d been lived in for days. He was exhausted.

  “It’s not funny. I think something is wrong,” Jack scolded. “Can’t put her down. Just cries.”

  “Where’s Rosie?”

  “Her husband Marco fell and messed up his hip. Maybe surgery. She had to leave to take care of him and the restaurant.”

  “What about the girls?” she asked.

  “Helping. In case you haven’t noticed, they do things in groups, like a team. They see something that needs fixing, and they pounce.” Jack chuckled. That was what he loved most about them. They took care of each other.

  “You clearly need…fixing,” Jules teased, with an ounce of truth.

  “They thought I’d had enough fixing, and with you next door, what could happen?” he chided. “Well, look what happened the minute they left.” He pointed to Ramsey, squirming on his arm, and began to bounce up and down to calm her.

  “It definitely appears…something happened.” Jules wasn’t sure she and Jack were saying the same thing. She was more struck by his natural instincts reacting to her fussing and fidgeting. Maybe the guy did learn a thing or two. She wasn’t totally sold, though. Knowing when to do the baby bounce wasn’t exactly mastering parenting.

  “What’s wrong with her? She just cries unless I hold her like this or against my chest.”

  “So, use the sling. Maybe she’s just struggling with all the transitions. We don’t know what routine she was used to, and all of a sudden, she had a new one, and then it changed. Or—”

  “Or…” Jack wasn’t impressed with her decision to deliver an incomplete thought. He needed help, needed answers, and was just sleep deprived enough to sound bitchy. “Or what? Jules.”

  “Or maybe she’s bonding with her dad?”

  “Maybe dad — not confirmed yet. And this sling is shit.” He wasn’t mincing words, just calling things as he saw them, and shit was an adequate description of the baby-wrap-sling-thing.

  “Language,” Jules chuckled. “And it isn’t shit. It’s the most naturally positioned sling out there now. Geared for comfort for parents and babies up to toddler age. Everyone is using them for a reason, and they are recommended by experts and—”

  “And they’ve obviously never had to use this crap themselves. It’s like a giant ace bandage and the baby is just going to fall out the bottom. I can’t even imagine with a damn toddler.”

  “Language,” she corrected again, still giggling.

  “Stop with the language,” Jack said. “I’m a grown ass man, with grown ass problems, and an upset baby whose cry is the equivalent of telling the world to fuck off. I don’t think she’s offended.”

  “You started it.”

  “Seriously, Jules?”

  “Juliet,” she corrected,
because two could play the pissing match game.

  “Juliet. Now, please help me. I think something is wrong. I don’t know why, but my gut says she isn’t just moody. She’s too young for that sh—tuff.” He caught himself, though calling it shit would have made him feel better.

  “You don’t say…”

  “Jesus, Jules, can you get serious for a minute? Look at her cheeks and ears. They’re red. Should they be that red? And there’s stuff coming out of…everywhere.”

  “Babies do poop and pee, Decker.” Jules stepped out into the lawn and looked her over as he held her.

  “No, like her face. Her nose, there’s drool — lots of it,” he added.

  “Babies do that, Jack. Maybe she’s teething. It isn’t too early to start.”

  “No,” he insisted. “It was too sudden. This just started an hour or two ago.”

  Interesting, she thought, he’s pretty insistent on the whole gut and intuition thing he’s rolling with. Maybe there is hope for the guy. “So, you read the books and you’re up to speed on teething?”

  “No. I didn’t read the damn — I just…I don’t know. I just know it isn’t teething, okay?”

  “Instinct?” she asked, taking him a bit more serious.

  “Maybe. I don’t know what that’s even like. I know nothing about kids or babies, but there’s just this nagging feeling — like when we’re on a call and something just guides you to do something that isn’t obvious. It’s that kind of feeling.”

  “Okay. Have you taken her temperature?”

  “No, but she feels a little warm.”

  “Then I’m guessing she just doesn’t feel well. Probably from teething. Has she eaten?”

  Jack smiled. “Like a champ every time.”

  “It’s after-hours, but I can call Dr. Detweiler if you’re really worried.”

  “NO! I mean, no need to bother him if you think she’s okay.”

  “I think she’s okay for now. Given she likes laying belly-to-arm like that, maybe a tummy ache, or colic, but that can happen with teething too, with all the extra saliva and mucus she has going on.”

  “Mucus?!” His tone went from tired and defeated with a hint of worry to near panic. “That makes it sound serious.”

  “Yes, mucus. You might know it better as snot, or boogers.”

  He tossed her a snide look. “Funny.”

  “Sometimes babies just don’t know what’s wrong and you have to give them a little extra time to figure out what they need,” she said. “Let me help you with that wrap. She clearly wants to snuggle up with you.”

  Jack’s face changed. Emotion settled in, and a slight grin. “Oh…well, I can — I can do that. Maybe I’ll just kick back and watch the game, and…snuggle.”

  Jules smiled at his reaction. It seemed he was growing attached to the little girl. She’d better be his after this. “Sounds like a plan. Check her temperature when you get home and write it down with the time to help you keep track. I would just check it every time you feed or change her so it’s easy to remember. If it goes up, call me. Now, let me help you with that wrap.”

  Baby tightly bundled up against her maybe dad, Jules smiled when he let out a relieved sigh and his worn edges softened. Maybe he needed to snuggle as much as Ramsey did.

  “Thanks, Jules. I…uh…owe you one.” Jack rubbed the baby’s back through the gauzy wrap and began the short walk next door.

  The sight of him with the baby like that made her heart swell, while her belly fluttered and lady parts hummed with that all too familiar nagging she’d been feeling far too often where Jack was concerned. After undressing Jack with her eyes, she pulled it together.

  “Hey, Jack.” When he turned in her direction, she said, “Good job.”

  He gave her a charming smile and flirtatious wink and went on his way.

  CHAPTER 6

  “JULES!”

  Juliet had dozed off while reading her book on the back deck, but startled awake at the sound of a deep, husky voice yelling her name. She jumped, tossed the book she was holding into the air, and knocked her iced tea off the side table right before the book nailed her in the forehead. It was quiet now, but something had startled her awake…maybe. Still in a daze, she wasn’t sure whether she really heard it or dreamed it. She didn’t trust her dreams or reality these days since they often collided in humiliating ways.

  “JULES!”

  It was real. Jack sounded panicked, and she jumped quickly to her feet.

  “You okay over there?” she hollered back.

  “I need you fast…stat…isn’t that what they say in the ER?” he responded with urgency.

  Ramsey was fussing in the background, but Juliet couldn’t quite see over the fence. She climbed onto a clay pot close by and straddled over the fence with feet planted on the edges to get a better look.

  Jack was pacing, holding a fussy Ramsey straight out in front of him. Something had happened.

  “What—What are you doing Jack? Why are you holding her like—?” Before she could finish her thought, she noticed it: the bottom half of Ramsey’s little outfit was wet and messy, and Jack was wearing the same shirt as earlier, but it was soaked and equally messy.

  Jack gagged, turning his head away.

  “Jack—” Jules bit her bottom lip so she wouldn’t laugh.

  “She’s leaking stuff everywhere. How did this happen? I don’t know what to do.” He gagged again.

  Jules giggled this time, despite biting her lip. “I think she might be sick, Jack.”

  “Ya think, Jules? Oh my God, how did this happen?”

  “You already asked that.”

  “Well, you didn’t answer! I changed her before we fell asleep. That damn wrap thing is a joke. It didn’t work. I felt like I was going to suffocate her or drop her, so I finally just laid down with her. I guess I fell asleep. This isn’t supposed to happen! It says so on the box of diapers!”

  “Um, it can happen. Especially when babies…don’t feel well.”

  Ramsey fussed, kicking her feet. Jack tried to bounce her up and down while rocking back and forth, still holding her straight out in front of him. “What do I do? The bounce thing isn’t even working.”

  “You clean her up. Clean her up and go back to snuggling her. She doesn’t feel secure being held like that. You’re scaring her.”

  He looked around. “Like with the hose? That’ll be kind of cold, don’t you think? I suppose the hot tub is an option. Chemicals and the filter should—”

  “She isn’t a dog! Bathe her!”

  “It’ll get everywhere if I take her back through the house, then I’ll just get what’s on me back on her. This doesn’t make sense.”

  “I’m coming over! Don’t move.”

  “Where am I going to go, Jules?” he said, unamused.

  “Juliet,” she corrected, because the timing couldn’t be better, and she was really enjoying this.

  “Whatever! Just hurry.”

  Out her gate and right into his, she rounded the corner in time to witness Ramsey get sick all over Jack — again.

  “Oh my God! How did she do that?” He glanced between himself and the baby, then to Jules, who was still chuckling. Before Jules knew what was going on, he quickly handed her the baby and started to strip from his clothes, gagging the entire time.

  “Jack, don’t you dare use the hose on a baby!”

  “I’m not! I’m showering. What kind of asshole do you think I am?”

  “Well…”

  “Don’t answer that,” he warned.

  “Watch your language, or her first word will be asshole, not dada.” The sight of Jack removing his clothes one article at a time had her head spinning. Suddenly, she didn’t notice what Ramsey had done to him…at all. Half-naked Jack, she thought, not this again.

  “I know, but I can’t clean her covered in…” he paused, closed his eyes, and tried to will the need to gag away. If he didn’t look at it, or talk about it, it would just…go away. “How is al
l of this coming out of her? It’s like she’s busted at the seams and leaking everywhere — or possessed.”

  Juliet only heard fragments of his rebuttal. She was…distracted, more like dick-stracted. He wasn’t cocky, but confident — it didn’t seem to matter that she was standing right there as he stripped down to nearly nothing.

  “What about her? She’s sick, and she’s sort of the priority here,” Jules said, trying to pick a fight so she’d quit groping him with her eyes. She couldn’t help but trace the well-mapped peaks and valleys of his chiseled physique. One eyebrow rose as she met the waistband of the only thing he was wearing and took a pausing glimpse of the rise just below, appreciating the girthy mound for all it was. She now understood whispers of Jack Pecker’s hose. Impressive. Not average.

  Standing in nothing but his well-fitted boxer briefs, Jack stopped and stared back at Jules. “Like what you see? Jesus, Jules, this is hardly the time to flirt.” Turning on his heels, Jack marched inside, leaving Jules and Ramsey on the patio.

  Startled by being caught for staring, her embarrassment quickly shifted to anger. “Flirt? Oh, please. Give me a little credit. I wish I could say I don’t know where that…thing has been, but unfortunately, I do. The whole town does. Every single, and not quite single, woman in this town and probably the next three counties knows where that thing’s been, Pecker.”

  She continued to follow him through his house to what had to be his bedroom, then adjoining bathroom, where he turned, and said, “Do you believe everything you hear? Facebook isn’t exactly the holy grail. It’s full of lies. Give me a chance and I might blow your mind.”

  “I’m sure you’d like that,” she said, handing him the baby.

  “Blow your mind outside the bedroom. It’s not all about sex, Juliet,” he said in disgust, handing the baby back to her.

  Silently offended he’d used her whole name, she was speechless for a moment. As much as she thought she hated Jules, it had grown on her and become somewhat endearing. Juliet just didn’t sound the same rolling off his tongue, especially when he said it the way he just had. Seeing him strip in front of her had provoked a hot, throbbing hum, which was suddenly turning to panic. She wanted to be Jules…his Jules. Not Juliet.